On Getting My First Bikini Wax

First off, please know that this has nothing to do with books.

Also, it’s TMI. I’m aware. But still. Here we are…

So I have this single friend who’s always telling me her wild single-life sex stories. Her latest is that she waxed her entire “area” in anticipation of hooking up with one of her coworkers. I’ll stay mum on the details of their hook-up, but, holy smokes, I definitely won’t ever look at an office chair the same way again. Yowza.

I haven’t been single for a long time. I’ve been married for 12 years—and with my husband for over 14. I feel like we’re doing pretty great in the sexy department, especially considering we have three young kids. But my friend’s wild sexcapades did get me thinking. Bathing suit season is coming up, and since I’m all about strutting my stuff (in my conservative, mommed out one-piece…) I thought, why not? Why not give it a go? I’ve been getting my eyebrows waxed for years. And I’ve had three children naturally. How bad could it be?  😑

So I made an appointment with my favorite waxer (yes, I have a favorite waxer), and on the day of, I told her I wanted to start out slow. You know, maybe just the sides? She enthusiastically agreed, and then said with a little more seriousness, “That’s probably a good idea. You have really thick hair for a blond.”

At which point I knew this experience was really going to suck.

And it did. Wow, that shit is painful. And what’s worse is my beloved waxer lied to me. She most certainly did not take it slow. When she saw that I was able to take the side rippage (with only a few quietly-whispered swears), she proceeded to take almost everything off. I’m officially ready for a Delta departure because there’s nothing but landing strip as far as the eye can see.

I’m not saying I don’t like the end result. I do! Seriously, I feel like walking sexiness now. Like no one else knows what’s going on down there, but I do and it’s like Studio 54. Or actually maybe it’s the opposite of Studio 54…

But I really had to pay for it. And every time I go in, I feel like I’m prepping myself for a battle. I’ve been told it will get less painful over time, but I don’t know. My follicles seem reeeeally reluctant to let go…

Still, I feel the satisfaction of trying something new and expanding my horizons. It’s also a bonus that I have definitely captured the full attention of my husband. He tries to play it cool like “I love you no matter what, boo” but for real… He be like: